Do the right thing | April 1 2025
I actually don't think I have any real goals this month. Right now I'm doing good, my art drive is good, I'm eating well... so maybe just keep it up? Yeah, keep it up. That's the goal.Anything else I want to report from today? I guess I did a bunch of Bell drawings. Here's one.
I want to do something more vaporwave/frutiger aero with her in the future. She's a good catalyst for that kind of stuff, I feel.
I hate video games | April 2 2025
Today was the big Nintendo Switch 2 direct. There were so many exciting announcements that I was reeling by the end of it, things were looking so good. And then about 15-20 minutes after it ended, the news of the price hike for games spread. $80 USD for games???It's the fucking tariffs. Well, it's probably that and Nintendo just being Nintendo. I'm unsure currently if I want to get a Switch 2 at launch... I'm definitely going to want one in the future because there's going to be a new Animal Crossing eventually and I want to be on the ground floor for that. Plus, there might be shortages making getting one really hard in the future if I don't pre-order. I'm so far leaning on "Yes, I'll get one" because I'm a sucker.
Nubby's Employee of the Month | April 3 2025
With all the recent talk of video game prices going through the roof, it's nice to play a game that costs less than a McNugget meal. Today I played Nubby's Number Factory, which has been making the rounds the last couple weeks.I never played Balatro, or any of those recent indies that take heavy inspiration from it. The ones that are a roguelike version of a familiar concept with an emphasis on maximizing numbers. For one, I just don't like card games. But this one intrigued me from its visual presentation, looking like a bizarre edutainment game from the 90s.
The concept is super simple. It's a plinko roguelike where the goal is to reach a minimum score each round. Failing to reach the goal makes you lose a life, but getting double or more of the target score gets you extra lives and more money to spend in the shop. You can buy items to affect the properties of your ball and other aspects of the game board. It's super addicting, there's a lot of strategies to try out with different items. I even got the 9999x+ the minimum score one game, prompting a popup that ceremoniously stated "YOU BROKE THE GAME". Check this game out, I highly recommend it.
Short change | April 4 2025
My stomach hurts. I'm tired. Right now, the only thing I can concieve of doing this weekend is just relaxing. Finished season 3 of Invincible today. Why were people complaining about the animation? It looked amazing, especially during the last couple episodes. People just like to complain.
Rest easy | April 5 2025
Today was a chill day. I did some chores around my apartment and mostly rested. When I woke up this morning, there was a hole in the bedroom ceiling. I feel like the apartment's telling me to get out, since I'm already moving here in a few months.Bought some games on my Steam wishlist. Played Two Point Hospital, since I already finished Museum and Campus. Pretty good, I like the loop of these games. I also played Look Outside, an RPG Maker survival horror game published by Devolver, surprisingly. It's pretty good, looking forward to getting deeper into the game. Been a while since I played an RPG maker game... those games are usually my bread and butter. I feel right in my element.
Rest easy pt 2 | April 6 2025
Lazy day today, still needed time to recover. Sometimes it's hard to tell if when I'm feeling sick, if it's actually physical symptoms or just mental. Hoping to feel better this upcoming week. I'm going back to sleep.
Let's worm it up! | April 7 2025
I have my alarm set an hour before I have to leave for work. It only takes me about 10-15 minutes to actually get ready for work though, so that extra time is usually spent lying in bed staring at the ceiling. Usually, letting my anxious thoughts wander. Today was a pretty good day though.I keep forgetting to make lists. I need to continue to make lists, they're one of the few things that keeps me on track. I don't trust myself to be on autopilot, I'll forget basic things like packing a lunch for the next day or setting a load of laundry. God, am I just completely helpless? I'm 26, is it embarassing to need to write down things in order to remember to do them? No, it's not about forgetting to do things. It's about motivation. I get motivated by checking things off of a list. I'm not forgetful, I'm just lazy, I think. Not sure what's worse.
Bad dreams | April 9 2025
It's probably for the best that I didn't make a journal entry last night, I wasn't really in a good headspace. I actually have been feeling a bit bummed out the last couple days. For me, being negative is my comfort zone. In a weird way I feel safe telling myself that I'm worthless, or that I have no talent, or that I'm ugly and nobody could ever possibly like me, let alone love me. It's like a warm hole in the ground for me to crawl into. It feels safe.
I'm doing okay though, I think. I need to seriously start thinking about long-term goals again... I've been on autopilot for about a month or so now. I think it's making me stir crazy.
On a more positive note, I beat Look Outside. Feels good to have a game that I can say is probably going to be one of my favorites of the year, and also possibly a new all-time favorite. I thoroughly enjoyed every single second of this game and I'm looking forward to going back again.
I CAN'T TAKE THE HEARTBREAK | April 10 2025
This has not been a good week for me. Mentally. It feels weird though, saying "I've felt real shitty this whole week" but also "I'm doing okay". I guess what I mean by that is even though I'm in a bad headspace, I *am* technically doing fine. If that makes sense.For as shitty as this week has been though, playing Look Outside has been such a beacon of joy. I've completed my second full playthrough... and am going to start a third one. Sometimes a game just hits in every possible right spot. I'd be surprised if another game ends up being my GOTY. Thank you, Look Outside.
Breather | April 11 2025
I'm feeling better. I'm grateful for my weekly visits to family... they're good for me mentally. When I move back in with my parents here in a couple months, I hope that'll be an upturn for my mental health. Living alone has its perks, but I've had so many mental crashouts.
I'm going to make it an early night tonight. Pop some melatonin and go straight to bed. I'm tired.
Second wind | April 14 2025
This weekend was kind of rough. I mostly slept the entire time... but not in the relaxing way, more in the depressed slump way. Thankfully though, on Sunday I wrote down a list (here I go again with my lists) of things to get done starting Monday. And today I got those things done. So I'm back in the swing of things.Just a quick update I guess. I'll have more thoughts throughout the week, I think. I always bounce back again and again.
Pool therapy | April 15 2025
Did I ever really elaborate on me moving back in with my parents in a couple months? I've lived alone for about... three years? The reason I'm moving back in with them is I'm going to stay for a year and save the money I normally would've been paying rent with to buy a house. The goal is one year I'll be staying with them.
The prospect of owning a house is exciting, but for me I think this year will be good for me mentally. Living alone has its perks but I get very lonely and stir crazy. I'm grateful to have such a great relationship with my parents, not everyone has that. I want to take the time to learn to cook better meals, how to do car maintanence on my own, get back in shape... a year to focus on improvement. That way when I'm living alone again I'm not eating frozen meals every night or dreading my car making a weird sound.
It's a bit embarassing though. Being a 26 (soon to be 27) year old man living with his parents again... there's a stigma. But, like I said, the plan is one year. So we'll see how that plays out. Hopefully good!
How deep does it go? | April 16 2025
Here's a couple of gay boys. I've been taking walks again recently, at night. I like doing them more in the evening, since I don't have to worry about sunscreen. (I'm paranoid about the sun.) The only problem is I get mauled my mosquitoes. I need to buy more bug spray.
Blugh | April 17 2025
I hate too much for dinner so I don't feel good, so I'm writing this journal entry LOL! This week has been pretty good so far though. I can see a lazy weekend on the horizon though... I'm wiped out and definitely need a day of rest. I earned it though.
It's getting pretty hot out again. Summer is approaching... at least I'll be living someplace with a lot better AC here in a couple months. Summer sucks. Once you finish with school, or even have a job, summers stop meaning anything. I haven't had a proper summer vacation since I was 17 years old when I got my first real job. Maybe, maybe I'll go on vacation once every other year, but that's it. I guess my birthday is right in the middle of summer, so that's nice. But overall? Summer fucking sucks. It's hot and there's mosquitoes and you can't be outside for more than like 20 minutes before needing sunscreen (if you're pale like me). Winter is where it's at, baby.
Assorted thoughts | April 18 2025
As I get older, I need to stop occasionally and think seriously about what I want with my life.I'm a very lucky person. I have a pretty decent full-time job, a family that I have a great relationship with, and so many friends. However, I find myself feeling unfulfilled and depressed often. I see other artists working on their dream projects and feel hollow. I have projects I want to work on too, so why don't I? The stability of a full-time jobs also means I don't have the time to pursue my creative ambitions. Sure, I can do it on my down time... but am I willing to sacrifice time spent with friends? Time to clean my home, time to relax and play a game or watch a movie, time to work out, time to cook, time to... time to... time to...
People who work on large projects as a full-time job are taking a serious risk. I'm not willing to take that risk, nor am I willing to make the sacrifices. I like drawing when I can, and people like my artwork... but am I fulfilled by doing that? Is that what I want to do with my time?
Decision paralysis doesn't help either. I need an answer to a big question: am I the happiest when creating things? I think the answer is yes. So I should keep doing it. I think for now, that's a pretty good place to work from.
Assorted thoughts 2 | April 19 2025
Does anyone else feel like the 2020's have just been a giant blur? I can specifically remember 2020, and a little bit of 2021. It's hard not to, since that was during the peak of the covid pandemic. But 2022, 2023, 2024... it's all just a haze. It bums me out a little thinking about it, I can't really remember anything specific during that time. Sure, I remember a lot of good things, but I couldn't put a year to them. Part of the reason I journal is to help me keep track of the time better.
Happy Easter | April 20 2025
Happy Easter! Easter has never really been a major holiday for me. So today I just visited my parents again for a nice dinner. One of my older brothers was going to come too, but he got rained out. The only really thing of note is we watched that Goofy Movie documentary, Not Just a Goof. The Goofy Movie was a staple in my household, I absolutely love that movie. It's a great watch if you're also one of those millenial/zoomers with a lot of good memories of it.
Yours Fragrantly | April 23 2025
Been a couple days, oops. You know what I've been getting really into? Two Point Hospital. I bought it because I played Museum and Campus and liked them, thought I'd finish the triology by buying the first game. I think it has the strongest gameplay loop of the three. I like the stress of seeing queues of people lined up to get diagnosed and patients dropping dead in the hallways... it's very morbid and as someone with a fear of diseases and hospitals I should hate it. But weirdly enough, it doesn't. Maybe because I like solving problems and building super hospitals with highly trained staff and seeing floods of patients walk out the door cured. It sounds dramatic for a game with diseases like Lightheaded (they have a lightbulb for a head) but yeah, I like it a lot.
So tonight is Switch 2 preorder night. I'm going to try to nab a preorder... it's going to be a nightmare I know. If I can't get one, then no sweat. The reason I'm even bothering to get one tonight is to avoid stock shortages when a game I REALLY want comes out. So good luck to me and all the other fools with poor spending habits! :)
