So what now? | March 1 2025

Goals for this month:

• Journal every single day
• Fully complete at least four character page.
• Finish my current character to-draw list.

The important thing is to have something accomplished this month and to be able to keep track of every single day. Don't let it fall into a blur.

And as always, try to live every day with love and joy in my heart.

Love and Joy | March 2 2025

I've used the term "love and joy" a few times. Part of me is just being cutesy whenever I say that, but there is some sincerity to it. What exactly do I mean about it?

The way I see it, there are two things worth living for. Love, which for me is being kind and in turn being treated kindly. Joy is a bit more broad, as it can mean finding fun and intrigue in things. It can also mean being content with your current situation, making the most of a bad situation, trying new things... etc. I guess love is for others, joy is for yourself. Being loving towards others and finding joy in life is the key to finding happiness. Barf!!!!! It's sounds so cheesy, and I hate cheesy stuff. Maybe the secret third thing is to allow yourself to be joyful and loving without wincing at how corny it sounds.

Today I played a game called Dreamcore. It's another one of those "walk around liminal enviroments" games, a trend which is pretty saturated but I'm a sucker for. POOLS is still the king of this niche genre, but this one seems pretty cool. It's a lot more maze-like to the point of being maddening compared to others, which is both a positive and a negative.

One Week Away | March 3 2025

As I lied in bed this morning, I was overcome with an intense wave of anxiety. I didn't want to get out of bed... I was tempted to just call out of work. But I got up, brushed my teeth, fed the cat, took my meds, and went to work anyways. My reward for overcoming that early morning despair was a surprisingly good day. Work was good, I got a lot of art stuff done, and overall felt pretty positive. It has me thinking what the secret sauce to a good day is. Maybe it's a good routine + trying something a little new every day.

Anyways, I did a lot of work on Wally's page today. Even figured out his family business, something that I was putting off for a while. Did some art for people I've been wanting to do and feeling pretty good. Here's a pic I did for Xeno-Scottt of his alien girl.



Going to continue to make the rest of this week count. Feeling good.

Paperback | March 4 2025

I still listen to vaporwave from time to time. It's an aesthetic that I don't think will ever fully go away. To me, stuff like Frutiger Aero seems to have eclipsed it in popularity lately. I love frutiger aero stuff a lot but it's clear that it's not a broad aesthetic. What I mean by that is if you look up frutiger aero aesthetic images, you tend to find the same things if you look long enough. With vaporwave, it's a lot more broad, since it includes old fashion, technology, advertisements, games, logos... the list goes on. It's also fully built on its own style, while frutiger aero is just a random selection of design trends.

I listen to Dream Corp's www.deepdive.com album a lot, especially when napping or showering. I'm hoping I can nab that vinyl later this week.



Also I'm just now learning that there exists of spinoff of vaporwave called slushwave? Seems to be a more dreamlike/ethereal version of vaporwave. Music genres are interesting.

Brain Tickle | March 5 2025

You ever experience something really relaxing or pleasant, and it feels like a tingle at the top of you head that works its way down? You get goosebumps too? What is that? Is that your brain releasing endorphines or serotonin?

I experienced that twice today. I was waiting for my shower to heat up and I put on some more vaporwave/slushwave music. (I almost always listen to music while I shower) I wasn't really feeling motivated that morning, but the sound of the shower, the cool wood panels on my bare feet, the music... I felt that pleasant relaxing sensation. I closed my eyes as I stepped in the shower and imagined myself in a fancy hotel bathroom of sorts. It was nice.

The second time I got that sensation I was in the break room at work waiting for the coffee machine. Once again, the sound of the coffee machine, the smell of it brewing, the cool surface of the chair pressed against my arm... I closed my eyes as I got tingles all over my body. It lasted a brief moment, but it was nice.

Sometimes when I try to relax, it doesn't exactly feel right. I run a bath but then get bored pretty quickly, or I'll lie down and close my eyes and end up getting up sooner than I'd expect. I appreciate those brief moments where each of my senses align perfectly and my body feels at complete peace. I know for a fact water has something to do with me being able to relax. I love the sound of running water, I used to sleep to rain sounds all the time. I even slept to the sound of running bath water for a period of time.

Ah, ah! | March 6 2025

I've been playing Papa Pizzeria Deluxe a lot the last few days. That's a great game to just zone out to, make virtual pizzas for virtual freaks who like ramen noodles as their crust. I hope they port Papa's Cheeseria to Steam, I played that one a lot. It's also the one I think I can relate to the most. Not cause of the grilled cheese, but cause of the french fries. Mmm. I love french fries.

Today I played Jackbox with friends. Jackbox is a beloved tradition for mostly-online millenials/zoomers like me. Once ever 4 months, see who can get on a Discord call to laugh at sex jokes for an hour or two until people star to get exhausted and drop out. It's fun, but it's not something I want to do every day. I like having nice long breaks between Jackbox sessions.

Tomorrow I'm going to a concert. Daikaiju is coming to town, and my Dad's band is opening for them. I go to concerts every now and then but I'm not a late night person, I get sleepy relatively early. Plus I have anxiety from cramped spaces for long periods of time. Last concert I went to, I had to step out towards the end because I was getting a panic attack. So I'm hoping I either don't fall asleep or have a panic attack tomorrow night. Good luck!

Walk with me | March 7-8 2025

I think I don't like going to see concerts. The volume I honestly don't mind that much, it's the cramped spaces. I had to step outside because my anxiety was flaring up and I enjoyed just listening from the outside. That's the thing about going out for me, I like to be able to flip a switch where I can be in my own comfort zone if I'm not feeling comfortable. That's part of being an introvert. When I'm home, I'm always in my comfort zone.

Daikaiju was great though. My dad's band was also great too, I'm biased of course but I enjoyed their set more. As I'm writing this, my eyes are falling asleep one eye at a time so I should go to bed. See you in a few.



I'm back. I was pretty tired all day, so I played Two Point Museum. That game is really good so far. Business/Tycoon game nowdays typically fall in the shovelware category, so whenever an actual polished and fun tycoon game comes out I get pretty excited. I played Two Point Campus and enjoyed it, but this one's structure I might like a little bit better.

Art style is still questionable though.

The Standard | March 9 2025

I didn't really want to talk about it, but I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. If I put aside my hypochondria and chronic anxiety aside for just a moment, I feel like there's nothing to be worried about. But of course, I have a pit in my stomach, and have spent the weekend trying to distract myself from it.

Health anxiety sucks. I always bounce between worst case scenario to worst case scenario. A new thing of the month to be worried about. It sucks. It fucking sucks. Living alone has made things worse in that regard, I just stew by myself, feeling uncomfortable in my own body.

I'm hoping that tomorrow I can happily report that all went well. But even then, there's going to be something else to worry about in the future. There always will be. It's all so exhausting and depressing.

I can't even think of anything else to write. I'll see you tomorrow.

From Memory | March 10 2025

I had nothing to worry about, everything went well. I'm very happy, of course. But that nagging feeling at the back of my head... for now. I feel relief now, but there will always be something new to worry about. Be it health, finances, the world, general life stuff... there will always be something to be anxious over. So how does one even enjoy life with that hanging over their head. Well, I've managed to for 26 years. The way I've been able to cope with my anxiety (aside from meds) is that when something bad does happen, at least I won't have to face it alone. And who knows, maybe I'll be stronger than I think I am when the time comes. I've had plenty of nightmarish situations happen to me that I navigated with surprising calmness.

I'm being very negative for someone who just had a really good day. What's something nice I can write down? Happy Mar10! I drew this in celebration.

Assorted food thoughts | March 11 2025

Can't believe it's only Tuesday. I hate small talk. You know what I enjoy? Eating alone. Eating alone is one of my favorite things to do. I don't even like eating at restaurants, I always worry people are looking at me. Last week during a work luncheon someone made a comment that I eat a lot. That's why eating alone in the dark is the absolute best.

My upstairs neighbors sometimes cook stuff that I can smell. I think they might be cooking curry. Smells good. During Thanksgiving last year, they must've been roasting a turkey and I could smell it late at night. I thought I was going insane.

My morning coffee hasn't been as good as I usually like it the past couple days. Maybe I need to take a break from it. I only drink a little coffee every morning, but maybe it's best to cut it completely. I wish I could eat a bland cube full of nutrients every day. I hate dealing with food. I hate cooking food. I hate having to eat again the next day. It's all so exhausting. It's never as good as I want it. Nothing tastes right. Stop fucking looking at me while I eat. It's never the right thing. It's always wrong. Have you ever listened to people talk about food? Just the thought of it makes me want to puke. Fuck.

I ate something that didn't agree with me today. I'm a bit grumpy.

Late start | March 12 2025

I just haven't really felt well these last couple days. I thought after Monday I'd be bouncing off the walls full of energy, but no that was just Monday and these last couple days I've felt like crap. This morning, I noticed the check engine light on my car lit up and I almost had an existential crisis. Goodness gracious almighty.

Don't really feel too good either. Work has been exhausting too. See, here's the thing about having a full-time job. When the weekend comes, what do you do? Do you go, "Alright, time to veg out and relax after a hard week." Or do you go "Alright, time to do extra effort things to feel fulfilled and whole"? I guess it's about balance. I'm sick of finding balance in things.

I'm still feeling grouchy. It's been an exhausting week. It's only Wednesday. I should do something nice for someone. I think that'll make me feel better.

New tomorrow | March 13 2025

I feel a lot better. Guess what? I don't think I have been taking my antidepressants the last couple days. I don't think that's exactly why I wasn't feeling well the last couple days, but it probably didn't help.

Taxes are taken care of. I can't imagine having to do taxes before the internet. Saving receipts, leafing through forms, having to actually mail all the stuff... my only exposure to this era of time is that one Simpsons scene about tax season. I'm very happy to just plug numbers into Turbotax and having it do all the work for me.

This weekend, I want to finally draw Vincent's ref. That'll count towards my goals of this month too. I have a fun idea for his page.

I have a lot of car stuff I need to take care of. Sigh!!

DINNER! | March 14 2025

You ever hear that bit about "if you ever feel depressed or in a rut try buying something from a different store than you usually go to"? It's absolutely true. I often do find myself feeling down because my routine is the same. After my weekly dinner + shows at my parents' place tonight, I was driving home and missed my usual exit because I was zoning out. I took the next one, a road literally less traveled, and found myself driving down an empty wide street. Eventually I passed a building that I always pass by during this route, except I was on the other side. I was surprised to learn how decorated the front side of the building was. It made me think for a little bit.

Could it really be that simple? Just driving down a different road every now and then or shopping places that I usually don't go to? I wonder if I'd feel just a little bit better.

Also, you can tell I'm an American because I'm romanticizing driving down a different street or buying stuff when talking about positive mental health practices. You think I have the ability to bike down to my local park or take a walk down to somewhere new? Ha! If you're not in a car in America you can barely go anywhere, unless you like increasing your chances of dying in a vehicular accident by 80%.

Mr. Beast is genuinely fucked up and weird | March 15 2025

Man I got nothing I really want to write about today, I just played more Two Point Museum and drew. You know what's really good? Curry on bread. Why don't more places do curry sandwiches? Mmm.

I hate Sundays | March 16 2025

Finally made a ref for these two nerds. I like how they came out, I think the fanny packs are really silly and fun. I hope I don't get tired of drawing them lol.

Okay, another week. Let's make this one good. Get chores done, make time to draw... eat well and all that. I already have a couple things to look forward to. I'm going to play REPO with friends and my weekly dinner and shows at my parents' place. Both things to look forward to.

I bought a couple of VR games during the Steam sale. One of which was Job Simulator, which is definitely a game meant to be a tech demo for VR stuff, not really an in-depth experience. It's silly fun, but my VR tolerance is still pretty low. After a couple hours I felt dizzy and needed to lie down. I can't imagine how people do this for long periods of time.

Routine | March 17 2025

Today I went to the dentist. They told me I have mild gingivitis and also grind my teeth. Thankfully I have some fancy medicated mouthwash to help with my gums, but my insurance didn't cover the protective mold they suggested for the teeth grinding. That's not really a big priority for me... my teeth already aren't the best, I can live if they're not exactly straight either. I'm going to try not to grind them during the day... which makes me uncomfortably aware of the position my teeth are in throughout the day. It's like being told to remember to breathe, now you do it manually.

I bought a fancy electric toothbrush. It's good for me to take my oral hygeine more seriously. I already brushed, of course, but I need to get into the habit of flossing like a responsible adult.

Oh, I played R.E.P.O. with friends today. It's fun, I think I like it a lot better than Lethal Company. Very clearly still in early access, but the gameplay loop I find a lot more fun than Lethal Company, even if it's very, very, VERY similar. I don't see myself going "Hey guys, when's R.E.P.O. night???" but I'd definitely be down to do more sessions with friends in the future.

Yuck! | March 18 2025

I think I might be sick. I didn't feel to hot yesterday after the dentist appointment, and I was coughing and feeling tired all today. I even puked, and then went right back to work. Yuck! Turns out having a second cup of coffee when you're already not feeling good is a bad idea.

It's been a long time since I was sick-sick. I think it was early last year, I got the flu. I don't think I'm sick-sick, I might just have some bug. I don't know what else to write, I'm tired. Oh, I bought a notepad to put on my nightstand, so when I wake up from a dream maybe I can quickly jot it down. It's been easy for me to forget my dreams lately. Mostly I'm looking forward to whatever baffling things my half-conscious mind scribbles down in the dark at 4am.

Mind the gap | March 19 2025

I still don't feel well. I'm thinking it has to do with the fact I haven't taken my antidepressants in about a week. There was some issue with my pharamacy that I was procrastinating on and I think my body is struggling with a chemical unbalance or something. I think, maybe. I finally ordered another prescription.

Played more REPO with another group of friends, that game is still a fun time. A nice highlight cause this week is kind of a wash. I'm hoping I feel better soon. Man, there always has to be something, huh? I think my problem is that I let every roadblock grind myself to a screeching halt. I need to be able to do chores or draw or other fulfillment activities even if the stars aren't perfectly aligned.

Man who knows anymore | March 20 2025

Can I just skip today? Just say pass? I still feel like crap. This whole week feels like a wash. Tomorrow I'm finally getting my prescription, I'm hoping that once I start taking my medication again I'll start feeling better. Hoping to have some nicer things to say within the next week. I played REPO again with friends, that at least has been a nice highlight of the week.

Chromakopia | March 21 2025

I'm feeling a lot better. I finally have my antidepressents refilled, so I'll be back on them tomorrow. Today was good, work was good, watched the season 2 finale of Severence with family. That was really good. During the second half of the season, I was wondering if they were going to be able to wrap things up in a satisfying way. They absolutely did, I almost gave a standing ovation.

Making a mental note to myself to write about how I felt during this week once I've had a few days to let my medication do its thing. I talked about it a couple days ago but I want to go into it a bit more.

I need to relax this weekend. Want to draw again too. I see my monthly goals looming behind me. What day is it, the 21st? Yeesh.

Boxes | March 22 2025

I've been getting back into making lists again. It's easy to feel a day was productive when you look at a bunch of crossed-out items on a piece of paper. Anything that you didn't finish that day, just include in the next day's list, so you don't forget them. Even something as simple as "eat breakfast" and "switch laundry"... for someone like me who can get worn out and overwhelmed easily it makes things a lot easier.

I mentioned this a few days ago but I put a notepad by my bed to scribble down any dreams I have so I can record them in my dream journal. As expected it produces some amusing looking results.



Still feeling better, by the way. Time to take some yummy melatonin gummies and hopefully have some more crazy-ass dreams.

xhqrles | March 23 2025

As I'm writing this, it's pouring rain outside. Some heavy thunder, too. I've mentioned it many times before, but I love rain. I think hearing the sound of rain just makes you so grateful for everything around you. When you're home, you think about warm and dry it is where you are now. When you're in a public building, it lets you appreciate the atmosphere of wherever you're at. The air feels cooler, the seat a bit comfier. I should start sleeping to rain sounds again.

Today was a lazy day, and I deserved it. Played REPO with two seperate friend groups in the same day! I got pizza for dinner, to which I saw the funniest mispelling of my name I've ever seen. The worker described it as "spelled in robot".



This is going to be a busy week. It's going to be another "I just need to get through this week" type weeks. But in a more positive way, I feel.

gleep zeep zorp | March 24 2025

I had a good day. For a week that I really want to be over with (mostly due to work stuff), it started really well. Got a lot done, had a nice nap when I got home, and then drew an alien Vi this evening. Look-- check it out:



Isn't that just the most precious thing?

I don't think I'm going to finish my character to-draw list by the end of this month, nor am I going to finish the character pages. But that's okay... it's been a rough month. But things are looking up.

GET UP GET DOWN | March 25 2025

Yesterday I had a pleasant nap. So I tried to take another nap today after work, but it was one of those "sleep for an hour longer than you intended and wake up not knowing where you are" type naps.

Not much to say today, work had me exhausted and will probably be the case for the next couple days. To anyone reading this, how are you doing? Sorry this month is a bit of a buzzkill. But I'm feeling better. Whenever I make a new page for a new month, I pick I usually pick the design a day before the month begins. So when I made this page at the end of February, I was already not feeling too hot and had a feeling those negative vibes might bleed into March. I wonder if I should make April especially cheery. Hmm.

Big Loser | March 26 2025

Did I mention I started watching Impractical Jokers this week? I Guess I didn't. A friend recommended it to me and I've been cackling my ass off at it. Unfortunately I chose a poor time to start watching it, as without going into too much details one of the titular jokers has some heavy accusations going on. Makes certain scenes a bit unfortunate in hindsight.

I hate the idea of "jinxing" something. You know what? I'm having a really good week. But ohhhh no, don't say that, you'll JINX it. Fuck off with that garbage. What, you can't ever be happy and grateful for something because you might ruin it? Fuck that. Boooooo. I wish I wasn't such a superstitious person.

Grind | March 27 2025

The hard part's over for the week. Good day. Good week, dammit. It's too late in the way to "jinx" myself and all that bullshit I was ranting off about last night.

You know what's yummy? Those melatonin gummies. Nice little treat before I pass out each night. Maybe I should buy fruit snacks. Actually that'd be a fun game, give someone a bowl of fruit snacks and mix in melatonin gummies. Maybe limit it to like 5 fruit snack pieces per person so nobody goes to sleep forever. Can you even overdose on melatonin?

Always something | March 28 2025

The week I kept saying that I just needed to be over is now over. I got a laundry list of things to do this weekend. If I get them all done? I dunno. That'll just be good for me, I guess. I don't need any sort of extrinsic treat for myself.

Also I should include more pics here. Not to reveal the curtain too much, but I'm just a fan of strange pictures. Invincible season 3 is great, gonna finish it with my Dad next week most likely. They got Aaron Paul this season, damn. Great episode.

Heartbreak University | March 29 2025

I've played a lot of Two Point Museum this month, and that made me want to get back into Two Point Campus. I wanted to build a huge, elaborate campus with all the different courses that game offers. This took a couple weeks to do on-and-off, and I'm pretty pleased with the results. If you're not that familiar with the game, the screenshots probably won't mean a lot to you... but hopefully it looks neat. Check out those games by the way, if you like good tycoon games. I'll pick up Two Point Hospital when it goes on sale.

Definitely didn't forget today nope nope | March 30 2025

Today was a fun day. I had my older brother and his girlfriend + daughter come to town and we went downtown for dinner and some shopping. There was this small aquarium there we went to, definitely geared toward younger kids but it was fun. My niece looked like she was having a great time, and I got to touch a sea anemone with my bare hands. Ate so much food afterwards I had no energy for the rest of the day. Perfect day if I say so myself. Here's a pic of me with the moon jellies.

Wrap party | March 31 2025

Well, I didn't get everything done this month that I wanted to. That's okay, at least I journaled every single day. That seriously means a lot to me. I want to keep that up with the next month.

If there's one take away from this month I want to go into April with, it's to keep moving forward. Even if things don't look good at the moment, or I'm not feeling good, or anything else in life is keeping me down, don't fall apart. Keep eating well, drinking water, cherish the small stuff. It's okay to rest, but don't feel like you have to pause everything to wait till things get back to normal. There might be a day where things won't go back to normal. Just keep moving forward, you'll be okay.

I'm glad that I ended this month feeling good. I want to continue feeling good. I'll continue working to make that happen.