Checked Out | May 1 2025

I feel like this theme fits my mindset entering into this month. I'm checked out, man. My apartment's a mess, my water heater keeps breaking, I don't feel like cooking anything, I still have art block, all I want to do is sleep... it's been a yucky week. I think I'm just mentally checked out since I'm going to be moving out in less than a couple months. That's still a lot of time, though. I shouldn't get all slovenly.

Had a dermatologist appointment today. I do annual screenings since I'm paranoid about skin cancer. Don't want to get into too much TMI, but I didn't have any problems. It's kind of funny how I'm even paranoid about skin cancer when I've been outside so little my whole life... I'm pale as hell. I don't like anyone observing any parts of my body too closely though. I don't even like getting hair cuts... someone staring at my scalp for a long period of time freaks me out.

Sometimes I fantasize about wearing a mask and a heavy robe, looking almost like No Face from Spirited Away. I've always been self conscious of my appearance. I think I'd be comfortable if nobody saw me at all. Hell, if I feel especially ugly one day I'll wear a face mask even if I'm not sick. I often stare at the mirror with the mask on. It's the only time I ever appreciate how I look, when over half of my face is covered.

Blood on the sand | May 3 2025

Today my parents invited me to go see a movie called Sinners. I didn't know anything about the movie, but didn't want to spend all Saturday napping so it sounded like a great reason to leave the house. (Plus I just do enjoy spending time with them, not trying to sound above hanging out with my parents) Great movie, I'm surprised I haven't heard any talk about it online. Maybe it just hasn't entered any of my circles. Great period piece movie, good character writing... I'd say check it out.

My dad surprised me by inviting me to his San Francisco trip that he was taking with his friend. I agreed, and now I have plane tickets to San Francisco in July. That's really exciting, I've never been there but have been wanting to go. I haven't really been to a lot of big cities, other than Chicago and Dallas. So this is going to be fun, and it'll be right around my birthday too.

I'm really grateful for everything I have. My friends, my family... I wish I could really let them know how much I appreciate them. I say "thank you" a lot, just in daily conversation. I tend to follow it with "I appreciate it", even for really minor stuff. I try to be polite when I can.

Cool comeback arc | May 13 2025

Oops. But, the good news is that I'm feeling really good. I was out of commission all last weekend from a cold. As soon as I recovered from that, I found myself with more energy that I had in the last week or so. I've been cleaning up my apartment, doing well at work, and my art drive is good. I think writhing in bed and coughing up phlegm for two days straight really makes you appreciate feeling healthy.



I also have three good things planned this week. Woah! It's nice to have good things planned during the week.

Anyways, part of me being back on the swing of things is updating this journal again. Journaling is very important to me. Have I talked about how I can't tell apart the years 2023 and 2024? Those were seriously dark times. But who knows, maybe I'll miss those years. I'm rambling. Have a good night.

It's all in the wrist | May 14 2025

Today after work I went to a company team building thing where we went bowling. One of those cool bowling alleys, the ones that have all the fancy effects and themes you can pick from and the arcade and bar and all that fun stuff. I'm pretty mediocre at bowling though, I only bowl once every other year (if that) so my skill level has basically stayed the same since I was a kid. Still a fun time though. Bowling is a lot harder than it looks.

Also check it out, I actually won something from a crane machine. I *think* this is the only time I ever did? I normally wouldn't even bother with crane machines but I our admission came with some free credits to the arcade. It's neat, I wish I was able to snag the other colors. I'm a sucker for anything round and colorful.

Checking in | May 20 2025

I've actually been doing good... just been slacking on this journal. Previously I did entries right before bed (which explains the more rambly, stream of conscious-type writing in some) but I think I'm going to do them as part of my evening routine. Get home, feed the cat, shower... write in the journal.

I'm still basically on auto pilot since I'm still moving soon. I know I'll miss this place when I move... it's my first apartment, after all. I should take some pics before I start packing in case I get nostalgic later.

Digestive | May 21 2025

Started watching Common Side Effects. Holy shit the art style of that show is IMMACULATE. The way the characters are drawn is super cool... feels like it perfectly fits in for both comedy and drama, hard to explain. They have very cartoony proportions but switch to more realistic sizes depending on the camera angle, it's real interesting. I'm only a couple episodes in, excited to see more.

The key | May 22 2025

I've had people ask me if I had some sort of place that goes into my OC's backstory or personality. Every time I sent them the character pages telling them it was still a WIP...

As I lazily type this in my underwear in bed, I will now make a promise.

By the end of Summer this year (end of August) I will have completed this site to a satisfactory degree.

Locking it in. Even with Art Fight this year... it WILL be done.

Why is that? | May 26 2025

I peeked out the curtain this evening and watched the rain fall. It felt like I was spying on something I wasn't supposed to... though all I was doing was looking out my window. It was kind of thrilling.

I think I know why I love the rain so much. I'm an introverted person-- I love spending time alone and indoors. When the sun is shining, I feel a pressure to be outside. The sun creeping through the blinds sometimes feels like it's judging me for my reclusive nature. I don't hate the sunlight, in fact I love a cool crisp Autumn day. But the Summer is when it feels its harshest, of course. That's why I hate Summer.

My perfect day is the rain pouring outside, thunder clapping all day. I'm cuddled up at home with a game, a good Youtube video, or something while my cat sleeps nearby and I'm curled up in a blanket.

It's raining right now. And while it feels good, I have to go to bed soon so I can't really enjoy the atmosphere.

Before I die, I want to see the lights of a city drenched in rain. If that was the last thing I saw before passing away... I think I'd be at peace.

Pressure points | May 27 2025

Time to get back into the swing of things. I know I keep talking about the move, but I think it'll seriously be beneficial to me. Get me out of this damned apartment and a change of scenery will be nice. Plus, I think living with other people will be great for my mental health. The only real downside is a bit of a longer work commute... but I'll live. I think the rest of this year is going to be good.

Magic isn't real | May 28 2025

I have a friend who showed me this website being browsed somehow on Gravity Sketch, a VR art program. That was pretty wild to see. They also a while ago showed me that this site IS functional on a Wii U. That's something I'm proud of.

Been playing Fantasy Life i a lot the past few days. I had the first game on the 3DS. It was a cool game, but it lacked the QoL features to make it really engaging and I ended up putting it down fairly quickly. This new game has so much QoL added that makes it one of the most dopamine-inducing things I've played in a while.

Second thoughts | May 29 2025

Saw the new Final Destination movie. I've never seen any of these movies before, all I knew was people die horribly (sometimes via log). I had my hand over my mouth a good chunk of the movie. It was very good, though easily the most uncomfortable I've felt watching a movie in a while lol. Surprisingly packed theatre too, I'm used to whenever I go see a movie in a theatre there being like 3-4 other people.

I can't stand it! | May 30 2025

Hey check this out