Checked Out | May 1 2025

I feel like this theme fits my mindset entering into this month. I'm checked out, man. My apartment's a mess, my water heater keeps breaking, I don't feel like cooking anything, I still have art block, all I want to do is sleep... it's been a yucky week. I think I'm just mentally checked out since I'm going to be moving out in less than a couple months. That's still a lot of time, though. I shouldn't get all slovenly.

Had a dermatologist appointment today. I do annual screenings since I'm paranoid about skin cancer. Don't want to get into too much TMI, but I didn't have any problems. It's kind of funny how I'm even paranoid about skin cancer when I've been outside so little my whole life... I'm pale as hell. I don't like anyone observing any parts of my body too closely though. I don't even like getting hair cuts... someone staring at my scalp for a long period of time freaks me out.

Sometimes I fantasize about wearing a mask and a heavy robe, looking almost like No Face from Spirited Away. I've always been self conscious of my appearance. I think I'd be comfortable if nobody saw me at all. Hell, if I feel especially ugly one day I'll wear a face mask even if I'm not sick. I often stare at the mirror with the mask on. It's the only time I ever appreciate how I look, when over half of my face is covered.

Blood on the sand | May 3 2025

Today my parents invited me to go see a movie called Sinners. I didn't know anything about the movie, but didn't want to spend all Saturday napping so it sounded like a great reason to leave the house. (Plus I just do enjoy spending time with them, not trying to sound above hanging out with my parents) Great movie, I'm surprised I haven't heard any talk about it online. Maybe it just hasn't entered any of my circles. Great period piece movie, good character writing... I'd say check it out.

My dad surprised me by inviting me to his San Francisco trip that he was taking with his friend. I agreed, and now I have plane tickets to San Francisco in July. That's really exciting, I've never been there but have been wanting to go. I haven't really been to a lot of big cities, other than Chicago and Dallas. So this is going to be fun, and it'll be right around my birthday too.

I'm really grateful for everything I have. My friends, my family... I wish I could really let them know how much I appreciate them. I say "thank you" a lot, just in daily conversation. I tend to follow it with "I appreciate it", even for really minor stuff. I try to be polite when I can.