| MON 9-1-2025
The Social WorkerAbove is a little stream of consciousness thing I wrote reflecting on the past month while I was waiting to get my oil changed. The short version is that I want to be kinder to myself this month and pat myself on the back for the little things.
So without further ado...
Got my oil changed in my car Bought some fun art supplies Watched Friendship (the movie) with parents Drew a silly Giggle pic
| TUE 9-2-2025
I've been really into Ultimate lately. Not actually playing the games, but watching videos about it. I recently rewatched all of Majuular's Ultima retrospective videos (which are all great, go watch them!) and I'm so thirsty for more that I started watching a video series by someone named Finntrovert. I'm just so fascinated by these games that are so ahead of their time and massively influental, but also still somewhat obscure. Hooray for Texas for being the secret pioneer of the modern JRPG! Started reading Blood Meridian Got to break in my new art supplies Got some lovely gift art from a friend and someone on Bluesky Played Abiotic Factor with friends
| WED 9-3-2025
How cruel the world is, or maybe it's my brain? At the beginning of the month, where I dedicate myself to happiness and peace of mind, I'm once again struck with health anxiety. It's not even a unique one too. Is this a small zit on my neck or a lump? I spent a long time with my fingers jammed in the crevices of my neck, comparing the contours of the inner works of both sides with each other. I felt no anomaly, except for the slight small bump on one side that itched slightly, Oxam's razor screams it's a zit, and I've dealt with small zits on my neck before that I thought could be a swollen node before. It's extremely embarassing to admit my health anxieties, as I don't like to have people worry about me or see me as irrational. I think opening up about it is good for my mental health, as I tend to keep it bottled up for too long. Even after writing that paragraph, I went back to the mirror to continue jamming my fingers in my neck. I need to stop it, because I'm just going to keep doing it unnti I find *something*.
Other than that, it was a good day.
Completed an important work project Improved on my "collage" art style Ate good spaghetti Completed a drawing I had on the backburner
| THU 9-4-2025
I used to read a lot of books as a kid. I'd always have my nose in one, but then stopped around high school when other forms of entertainment became more accessible. I never stopped reading, but it became much more rare and usually consisted of audio books I'd listen to during car rides. In short, I miss reading and it feels good to get back into it. Got more traditional drawing practice Had another good Abiotic Factor session with friends | FRI 9-5-2025
Try to be a good person, if for anything else to avoid becoming jaded. Got back into Wizardry 8 Ate Popeye's wings Found my cat after she disappeared the previous night Made it through the week | SAT 9-6-2025
Today I tried doing a VRchat meetup again, and this time it went a lot better. Well, mostly. I felt great during it but sadly I need to re-do my VR setup because I had connection issues the whole time. Still had a lot of fun though, and I definitely want to do more of it. Got all my week's laundry done Re-organized my pin/postcard collection Re-orginzed by sticker collection Had a great VR meetup with my friendEarlier this week I thought I had a lump on my neck when it turned out to be a zit. Today, I thought I found a lump in my left forearm but it's just part of my muscles or vein or whatever, since it's on the same spot on my other arm. There's a Simpsons joke where Homer thinks he has a lump and it turns out it's just his shoulder. It's funny, but I need to get my anxiety in order. What's the thing where you try to stop anxious cycles by not starting the cycle to begin with? Cognitive-behavior therapy...? I could be wrong.
| SUN 9-7-2025
It's been a good first week. Today was a lazy do though. That's okay though. I shouldn't kick myself for having a day where I spent most of it napping or playing games. It's only human. What did Calvin and Hobbes say about lazy Sundays, anyways? Had a nice nap Found a good new youtube channel to watch (Jason Graves) | MON 9-8-2025
This week is probably going to be just as if not more exhausting than last, oh boy. Work is kicking my ass. But hey, that's not always a bad thing. Found another good new youtube channel to watch (MrEdders123) Made a birthday pic for one of my besties | TUE 9-9-2025
I was right. I'm so exhausted, I just want to sleep for 12 hours. But the beat goes on, I suppose. I've been so tired I've barely had the time/energy to draw or read... hopefully I get the time sometime this week. Other than all that, it's going good. Had another fun Abiotic Factor session with friends Got some nice kudos at workI'm going to drink a giant glass of milk now.
| WED 9-10-2025
Today was astonishingly awful. One of those absolute nightmare days that never feels like it's going to end.But it did. I'm hereby giving myself permission to absolutely veg out this weekend. What an absolute rotten week.
Sometimes getting through the day is enough. | THU 9-11-2025
My dad's in the hospital. Everyone seems pretty relaxed about what he's going through, but I'm scared for him. What an absolute nightmare of a week. My head hurts and my lip is sore from biting. I just want 12 hours completely to myself. I'm really worried about my dad. Sometimes just surviving is enough. | FRI 9-12-2025
Great news: My dad's surgery was a success. He should be able to go home tomorrow. What a scary, nightmarish week. I can't stress enough how awful this week was. And to put a nice little nightmare cherry on top, I got anxious over another part of my body. This time the top of my head. Every now and then I find myself carefully combing my fingers across the surface of my skull, checking for any anamolies. I have what I think is a slightly symmetrical indentation, or groove, or something because I can't tell just from running my fingers across it. Of course, my brain goes into full panic after a stressful week. What if it's something? What if I'm running my fingers over a huge tumor, and am not realizing it? Is this just my skull, or some secret tumor?
Is this something new? No, the shape of my skull has been like this as long as I can remember. I wouldn't even call it a lump. I even asked my mom to check my skull and she said she didn't see anything wrong. I must sound crazy, talking about looking for lumps this month on my neck and arm and head. But the thing about anxiety is no matter how much you tell yourself you're paranoid, there's always the little voice saying "What if you're wrong?"
I feel embarassed being candid about my health anxieties, but I think putting them into text is good instead of bottling them up. I don't like talking to people about my anxieties, because I don't want them to think I'm crazy or freak them out. I think it's healthy to put my thoughts into words, no matter how rambling or delusional they sound.
Hypochondria is a bitch.
Anyways, I'm going to relax this weekend. I earned it. So has my dad.
Someone loves you. Take care of yourself. | SAT 9-13-2025
I had a nice relaxing day today. My dad came home from the hospital and is doing good. I feel almost fully recovered from the week, thank goodness the weekend has one day left. Almost there. You'll know when you get there. | SUN 9-14-2025
I feel like now is a good time to get things back to normal. I had a nice, refreshing weekend. I'm a bit hesitant to start this week, but... well, I got through last week just fine. Maybe this time it'll be a cakewalk. Started watching The Paper with parents Beat Mini & Max and Night Manor in UFO 50 Had a nice midday nap | MON 9-15-2025
After last week, it feels good to have an evening where I have lunch made for tomorrow, I'm comfortably drawing, and everything feels normal. I want to start getting more positive and fun in my journal again, last few entries have been very somber lol. Got laundry done One of my favorite Youtube channels (Parallel Pipes) uploaded a new video Worked on some art...which you can see here! Hi Mocha.
| TUE 9-16-2025
Finally beat Abiotic Factor with friends! It was a fun ride. Felt really nice to play something together. I think in the future I'd prefer shorter games, but this was still an enjoyable experience. I've never really been crazy about survival/crafting games (other than Minecraft) but Abiotic Factor really clicked with me. I enjoyed its science facility setting and the progression from using a crossbow made of pens and rulers to running around with a laser canon that erases soliders from existence. The ending was a bit weak, but this is definitely journey > destination situation.
The science team prevailed!
| WED 9-17-2025
I've been wanting to sit down with my parents and discuss my anxieties more. I believe that being more vocal about my worries and paranoia will be an overall improvement to my wellbeing, instead of constantly keeping them bottled up. I was going to do it today, but the time wasn't right. I want to try to do it tomorrow.Man, this week has already been so much better than last. I'm glad that even during the thick of it, I never fell into despair because I knew better times were coming. I wish I always had that foresight. It's easy to get bogged down in the little things.
Started watching Star Trek again Got into Worldbox again Got some art done this eveningMysteries are fun to solve, but it's even more fun to speculate.
| THU 9-18-2025
I was able to have that talk with my parents today, about my anxiety. It felt good to get my worries off my chest. Too bad I have ONE specific, absolutely ridiculous, totally insane anxiety that I can NOT discuss with anyone because of how out there and embarassing it is. I hope that one just goes away. I will not mention it here, but it's along the same lines as "what if I was driving and a small meteor fell from the sky and crashed through my windshield and killed me?" except 100x more embarassing. My dad hasn't been feeling well again. The surgery he had last week helped a little bit but the problem came back. I'll write more about this when the time comes.
September has been kinda rough, huh?
I saw my cat curled up in a closet, super cute Had a nice heart to heart with my parents | FRI 9-19-2025
I love my family and I love my friends. I'm curled up in my comfy bed thinking about how grateful I am for everything. I never want to take anything for granted. Watched Sneakers with family (because Robert Redfield passed away recently) I'm still thinking about my cat sleeping in the closet. It just looked so damn cozy I'm sort of jealous. | SAT 9-20-2025
Played the skate early access demo Watched the first half of the Undertale 10th anniversary stream | SUN 9-21-2025
Today I watched the second half of the Undertale 10th Anniversary stream with friends. It really did remind me how much this game means to me, and Toby talking about his creative process and his advice really inspired me. I want to think about what he said more.Also, the portrait I drew showed up on stream!
Sadly I guess the website didn't register the redraw of the pic I did, but that's okay lol. Here's the updated one I made
Got laundry done Watched the Undertale anniversary stream ...and saw my silly portrait! Oh, I also 100%'d Abiotic Factor
| MON 9-22-2025
I'm working on the character pages again. I really felt inspired after watching the Undertale stream last night... I want to finish a project. I want to have something that I can show people and they'll enjoy. If one person can say they enjoyed my website, I think that'll make it all worth it.I'm getting really sleepy in evenings. I'm trying to cut down on Monster Zero but I need just a little bit of caffeine to stop myself from falling asleep at 8pm. I might just need to make a little bit of coffee.
Worked on the Bell page Watched season 2 of Peacemaker with my dad I love talking with friends :)
| TUE 9-23-2025
Worked on more of Bell's page, it's basically done save for the unique art. I also started on Shortcake's page, that one is going to be fun.I started work on Torpedo today, just because I was bored. I have NO idea how far I'm going to go with it... it's a daunting project. But maybe it can be something I nibble on every now and then. I decided to do RPG Maker MV as the engine for it. I'm not the biggest fan of MV, but I think it's old enough for there to be a decent amount of support for it.
Worked on Bell and Shortcake's pages Started on Torpedo Went out to dinner with family
| WED 9-24-2025
I've never been able to click with Don't Starve. As much as I dig the game's art style, it's just way too punishing for my tastes. Not really a fan of permadeath in games outside of roguelikes. Vinny started playing Silent Hill f Worked on some art
| THU 9-25-2025
white morpheus
| FRI 9-26-2025
It's pretty close to Halloween! I want to think about what I want to do this year. I'm already going to go to the haunted houses at Six Flags which will be fun. I should find some scary games to play too. Buy some Halloween decorations to spruce up my desk at work. The possibilities are endless! Made it through the week Watched Haunted Hotel w/ family Made it through the week without drinking soda Ate a meatball sub Majuular uploaded the next video on his Ultima retrospective series | SAT 9-27-2025
Bad news. I just found my next thing that I'm going to worry about.When I was driving to work earlier this week, I was in a good mood. Then, I thought to myself, "wait, aren't I supposed to be worried about something?"
I'm just so used to constantly being scared of something, that I'm unsure how to feel when I find myself calm and happy. What a nightmare.
And what's even worse, is that I KNOW that I'm going to wake up tomorrow, feeling good and refreshed, and then realize that I'm supposed to be worries.
At least I have a doctor's appointment coming up soon. Just hold steady until then, I guess.
It's going to be okay Idle hands are the devil's workshop. Maybe art will help tomorrow? | SUN 9-28-2025
bleh. i feel better today at least. not completely... but man, what a month. September's almost over, which means Halloween is close! | MON 9-29-2025
Some crypto guy on Twitter tried to get me to join some Heartbreak Coin thing because of my username. That was kind of funny.I'm waiting for my doctor to call me back to confirm my appointment for my physical. Getting doctor appointments is such a huge pain in the ass. Other than that, I'm doing fine. Still playing a lot of Don't Starve. That game is for sickos, but I'm starting to get it.
Watched Star Trek with my dad Easy day at work Vinesauce is uploading Halloween stuff